get online

i hate today… and i dont know why its just one of those days where you think to your self….. carbon monoxide… its easy clean and dosent hurt at all! yippie fuckin kiy yie ya….. i really need to talk to someone anyone but no one is here…. no one wants to talk…. so i just sit and stare at a blank screen waiting…. the one person i was talking to said she was tired and bailed…. thats a great friend…. “hey my life sucks!” “thats to bad… um.. im tired im gonna jet…” i have nifty friends dont i? someone get online….. or call me… i dont care which…. make me feel important again………
love mr burn

dykes? damn im smooth.

when people say stuff about you (like that you slept with them) which im having problems with right now you want to take your revenge out in the nastiest way possible here is how im gonna do it….
the subject is a model….. put nair in her shampoo….. or hair dye… i havent decided…..
her parents are tight christians…. have a friend tell them she said she slept with me…. i dont care what they think of me
i got hospital letter head…. gonna send her a letter saying
dear….. this is a letter of information from the putnam county medical asso. (or somthing) a patient has been tested and verified hiv pos and has named you as a past sexual partner. please come in as soon as possible and…. yada yada yada i got a few more ideas…. like im gonna slash her tires and fill them with quick dry cement
all of you thayt know me know im a wuss and will never do any of this… but its fun to pretend
for all of you that dont know… me and ashley broke up… oh well life fuckin goes on!!! hehehe
i hate chicks….. there is a diffrence for those of you that dont know…. between ladies women and chicks
ladies= the ones you take out every weekend to fancy resteraunts… the ones no one notices and they usually end up[ being the best people to date ie. jennette, angel (both of them),jes(esspecially in the hotel pic *EG*,
women= dykes…hehehe nah…. your normal everyday dates… everyone else
chicks…. fuckable nothing more…. see above
you know what really pisses me off! people who dont give enough information and people who spread lies… basically the same thing
i hate diet pepsi….. but enough about me… lets talk about you…..
love mr burn

things that piss me off

ok people before we get into this… there are over 100 people on this list…..none of you sent me any feedback!!!! sept alwaysinyourdreams….hehehe thanks sweets…. she friggin liked it so she told me so!!!!!!! learn from her people!!!!! also… for some odd reason there arent to many guys on this list…. there is like 10…. so recomend this shit to people for christs sake….. now for shit that pisses me off…..
1) the movie… the great mouse detective….. there is just somthing about a movie about a loveable toymaker that gets kidnapped and a super slouth named basil of baker street with his assisstent dr dawson and their loyal dog toby going on a ryming musical happy toymaker hunt… that urks me….. i dont know… mabey i just need counsuling….
2) the fact that hot actresses that are 17 and under cant get naked…. (sorry ladies im a pervert)
3)people that call me buddy or pal….
3) people that loose count
5) cheap cigarettes
6) baptists….. i hate baptists with a passion… watch them somtime they are like lemmings…. they say lets pray their heads go down synonomaslyand even if it is silent prayer their heads all pop back up at the same time…… when there is a call for food …..everyone moves at the same time rather quickly to the felloship hall……. every baptist church also has a buliding called the “fellowship hall” there are billions of them youd think they could be more creative shit call it the fat ass lounge for all i care just stop the tired old fellowship hall shit….
7)people who say i wanna be a dj!!!!!!…. whats a 303?
8)thes adds in chat rooms ” i got boobs wanna see my picture go to…. and they all go to http://www.amazonslut.com/sandy
9)people who repeat things over and over
9)people who repeat things over and over
9)people who repeat things over and over
9)people who repeat things over and over
10) people who say they are players….. listen you arent a player if you admit it!!! fuckin morons….
11)peopl who steal my pick up lines jokes quotes and or intelligent sayings…. like “my name is milton bradley i made the game”
12) fat people who are proud of it…. you know those people that go on telethons with richard simmons… they are like “i weigh 100000000 lbs” and im happy with myself but i want to tone up my quadrapecs”
13) gamers….. these are the people that yell at you if you pick up their magic cards… these people need to be shot…
14) thursday night at the anderson mall (see above)
15)people that say “im a hacker!!!!…… whats linux?”
16)people who say “brb” and never come back….
17) people that just go on and on and on and on about their kid… then they show you a picture and he looks like a llama turd that was given a sheet lightning ennema
18) jokes that after i hear them… im not sure if they are funny or not…. example=..there was this high-dollar lawyer and he had just went and bought a brand new Lexus at a car dealership…payed cold hard cash in full right on the spot……he drove it back to the office and was going to show it off to his colleagues…he was almost out of the car when a speeding truck whizzed by and took the door off. The first thing the lawyer done was called 911. a few minutes later the cops showed up. the officer said “what seems to be the problem sir?” the lawyer said “look at my brand new car..its ruined..theres nothing the body shop can do to make it just the way it was…its just fucking ruined” the officer said “you materialistic people just dont make any sense to me anymore….you shouldnt be so worried about you door” the lawyer said “why?”…the officer said… “your arm is missing from the elbow down”….the lawyer said “oh my god….MY ROLEX!”……. ok im done for now……..
love mr. burn

whatever

ever think that somtimes life just isnt fair… you know what i say fuck it all there is to much pain and tourture involved one of my friends tried to kill herself today because of the pain… what a waste she couldnt talk to me about it… she said no one cared…. fuck that… i cared goddammit! oh well.. thats my pain for the evening… now im just waitin to se what tommorow brings… i went and saw type o today… woo hoo… i hate all this shit its like people say they care but when do they ever prove it like a friend of mine named amanda.. she says she cares deeply for me… but she never calls she never goes out of her way to see me she never gives me hugs or anything… its like im a fuckin toy… im here somtimes and when i am COOL! but when im not people are like “george who the hell is that? oh that guy nah hes an asshole fuck him” WELL FUCK THEM! from now on life is for me fuck what yall think i could care less i have no friends (save mabey a select very few) and all my friends have proven that …. im not ashamed to say the majority of my friends i hate with a passion because they never cared… not in the least… i dont care anymore no more tears …. im tired of worrying about everyone else i love the people that love me and show it! you guys know who you are this isnt a friggin awards list its my time to bitch not praise…. all i want in life is to be loved… to know im loved and have people not afraid to show me they love me… im tired of opening up to people just to have them laugh at me fuck that… no more mr good guy sweet inocent sweet talkin george just went back to his “im gonna blow up the world phase…” prepare yourselves for the coming…. a phrase from one of my old books keeps running through my head “lets acctually sit and count the number of true friends you have… it isnt that many is it? in fact you probly dont have a single friend… oh eccept jesus hes your friend mabey you should call him and see if he wants to hang out” to everyone in anderson except for the select few… fuck you! to everyone in florida except for like 4 people fuck you too! im goin to bed
love mr burn

Jesus answers your letters from kids!!!!!

Aren’t children adorable? Here’s proof–these misguided imps wrote letters to God, usually because their parents were too confused or embarassed to answer the question themselves.
Well, after years of digging, we’ve finally found God’s replies. Here they are, completely unedited. Children of the world, rejoice!
Do your children have a question to ask God? Just email me at ibuycrack@homail.com
Dear God,
Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
Lucy
Ha, ha, good question, Lucy. It’s just a trick! In fact, it’s a complicated and far-reaching trick played by centuries of mythical story-telling in the oral tradition. Like Santa!
Best, GOD
Dear GOD,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.
Jane
Jane,
What is that supposed to mean? Do you doubt the Word of God? Do you think all those Backstreet Boys posters will save you on Judgement Day, when my just wrath will rain down upon you and your false idols? Well fine, I’m sure you’ll be happy spending an eternity in Hell with your “Nick Carter.”
XOXOXO,
GOD
Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
Joyce
Dear Joyce,
So did your mother.
Always,
GOD
Dear God,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones You have now?
Jane
Dear Jane,
Because the ones I have now are stupid, insolent fools that will spend an eternity burning in the fiery depths of a most cruel and frightening hell, such as Grammy, who, as you know, passed on last week in her sleep.
Yours,
GOD
Dear GOD,
If we come back as something, please don’t let me be Jennifer because I hate her.
Denise
Dear Denise,
Me too, what a bitch.
Love,
GOD
Dear GOD,
I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want You to know, but I am not just saying that because You are God already.
Charles
Dear Charles,
No one likes you because you’re a fucking brown-noser. I’d smite you right now if I hadn’t already lost your soul to Satan in a poker game last week.
Sincerely,
GOD

my trouble with women

I guess my trouble with women stems from my relationship with my mother. We never really got along. In fact, my only memory of her is from when I was less than a minute old. When I opened my eyes for the first time, she was staring at me in horror and shock. Then she buried her face in her hands and started screaming. Gee Mom, thanks for being so supportive.
The lack of a strong, caring male role model in my life probably also has something to do with my problems. The Man With The Whip says my father could be any one of a group of freaks that escaped from a circus near my mother’s house. They were all hunted down, burned to death, and buried in a mass grave, so a DNA test to figure out which of them is my dad is more or less out of the question. Sometimes The Man With The Whip says that I’m the spawn of the Devil, but I think he only means that figuratively. It’s kinda hard to imagine Satan in a sideshow. I’ll bet it would be neat to be the son of the Devil, though, since you’d probably get to travel a lot.
For whatever reason, none of my relationships seem to work out. A few days ago, a woman passed by my little basement window. At least I think she was a woman, since she was wearing a skirt. Wondering what she was doing all the way out here in the desert, I reached up and grabbed one of her legs. Her screams were so pretty that I fell in love right away, but she apparently didn’t share my feelings, because she broke free from my grip and ran off into the night. That’s the way most of my relationships end.
The thing that really gets to me is the nagging feeling that I’m wasting my life. Sure, I’ve got a cushy job with good benefits. Lots of guys my age would like to sit in a corner and gibber for a living, and The Man With The Whip gives me all the gruel I can eat. Still, I long for the satisfaction of a family. This basement is big enough for me, a wife, and at least two kids, but I live in it all alone. It’s a waste, when you think about all the families that have trouble finding decent places to live.
Well, The Man With The Whip is here, so I guess it’s time to get back to work. All that cringing and gibbering isn’t going to get done by itself.

C:\DOS

If there are any cave-dwelling bear-fucking hicks out there who still haven’t
learned how to use DOS, you might as well not bother, because it’s going to
be obsolete any day now. But if you thirst for knowledge yet have
the IQ of wet shit, this is for you.
The first step is to turn your computer on by pressing the White Power
Button. Your computer will shoot up for a few minutes and then you will see
the C:\> prompt.
The first command you will learn is DIR. DIR stands for DIRarhea. You type
dir when you want to see shit all over your screen. It looks like this:
C:\>dir
Volume in drive C is REVENGE
Volume Serial Number is 1CBE-BDD2
Directory of C:\
STUFF 06-24-02 8:10p
DOS 03-27-02 6:16p
STORAGE 06-23-02 6:59p
CRAPWARE 01-27-02 12:12a
SNA 09-19-02 10:29p
CONFIG SYS 352 01-30-02 3:13a
DUREX 06-24-02 8:05p
IBFT 06-24-02 8:05p
AUTOEXEC BAT 211 02-07-02 8:36p
LOMAX 2,367 02-04-02 2:53p
COMMO 11-13-02 1:00p
ALIASES SYS 843 11-13-02 10:04p
COMMAND COM 54,619 09-30-02 6:20a
DIR IR 0 02-08-02 2:51p
35 file(s) 86,104 bytes
119,590,784 bytes free
I'd tell you what all that crap means but you're too fucking stupid to make
it anything but a complete waste of my time. Suffice to say you'll have to
use Windows, or if you're a complete peon, Microsoft BoB.
Windows is a castrating system, which means that although it takes up tons of
system resources, forcing you to spend money on RAM upgrades, it allows a
club-foot, no-balls loser like you to use a computer.
Since you insist on using DOS (Jesus Christ only knows why), I guess you
should know how to delete colonectomy entries. There are two types of
colonostomy entries: files and directories. Here is a simple way to think
about it: files are bad, directories are good. Files want to eat up your
megabitches, directories counteract this by eating flies. So you need a
proportionate number of directories to keep your files under control. A good
number is about 4,096 directories per file.
== TechSpeak - For nerds only! ==
+------------------------------------------------------+
| If you need to use 32-bitch disk axes, you'll |
| have to file with the NSA for a release of your |
| Clipper priviledges. This can be done |
| automatically if your computer has a parellel |
| government port. Ground yourself on at least 200 |
| volts, then open your Disk Carriage and pull out |
| a few Capacipotatoes. They should not be hot. |
| If they are, spray them with A.N.A.L. water, |
| available at your local CompUSA. Plug some clean |
| potatoes into the ANAL sluts and cover it over |
| with a conceptual blanket of lies. Then re-affix |
| your alcoholic motherboard to her basement |
| compartment next to the cryogenic BIOS chip. You |
| should see results immediately. |
+------------------------------------------------------+
There are a few other DOS commands, but none of them really work.
How to OutSmart the Salesmen
----------------------------
What to ask for when you buy your new system:
* Packard Fudge 1.5 gigeeehurtz
Packard Fudge is the only brand worth buying. All the other
manufacturers are owned by the same parent company, which gives 50% of
its income to pro-abortion death squads. By buying Packard Fudge,
you're making the politically correct choice.
* 100,000 MegaBitches of Hardware Space
Don't believe what you saw on TV - You need at *least* 80,000 megabitches to run
graphics programs like Adobe Eliminator and Lotus Fabricator, so you might as
well spring for the full 100.
* 100,000 Megs of RAM (Rape A Monkey)
RAM is smaller than Hardware Space, but you need the same amount. It has to
do with Virtual Reality. Don't feel too bad if you don't understand why.
Smoke some crack and get over it.
== TechSpeak - For nerds Only! ==
+------------------------------------------------------+
| Virtual Reality is a manifestation of your |
| computer's capacity for extended BIOS activity. |
| Plugging too many devices into your Overall Control |
| Unit can melt-down your artificial intelligence |
| buffers. To keep it from burning out, you need |
| to swap your intelligence into Virtual Reality. |
| This process can cause an ionic breakdown between |
| the hardware and the crystal reader, sending your |
| system software into UUCP overload. Unplugging |
| your monitor and jacking your RAM up into the |
| scratch sector should solve this problem. |
| Commanding your modem to dial random numbers will |
| lower the NNTP levels; monitor the blinking lights |
| for any signs of hackers dumping your VRML |
| certificate. Note: if you have a class "B" SLIP |
| comforter, you'll need to use hardcore |
| handshaking to avoid TCP concussions. |
+------------------------------------------------------+
* Spare Jumpers (10,000)
Jumpers don't cost very much, yet they are essential to your computer's
performance. Buy a lot.
* PorridgeBlaster soundcard (with gravytable prosthesis)
Unlike the old, unreliable SM prosthesis, gravytable prosthesis will keep
your soundcard running until the year 2007.
The Information Superhighway
----------------------------
If you're retarded, you may want to try using Prodigy or Compuserve.
Compuserve is the government's way of pooling all the freaks and housewives
together, creating a mailing list for radiation experiments. Prodigy is for
anyone who can't figure out how to use Compuserve. It is connected to USENET
so that you can communicate with other degenerates without alerting any real
people to your pitiable existance.
America Online is a child-porn chat line with over 3 million
subscribers. Every single one of them has the intelligence of a 5
year old, so it's a good place to stalk people or try to sell shit
products, preferably real estate. America On-Line users make a
feces-covered brick look like a Rhodes Scholar. By the time you read
this, Microsoft network will be charging $25 a month for its on-line
child-porn simulation. MSN lets you use the world wide web,
so no matter how stupid you are, you can see pictures.
If after reading this you think you know everything there is to know
about how your computer works, You're Right! But that doesn't mean
you have to stop learning. Other titles include "You Stupid Fuck, You
Don't Know vi!", "You Stupid Fuck, You Don't Know Netware!" and "The
Complete Pedophile's Guide to Emacs", an interactive CD ROM featuring
those luscious information-age fuck toys, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen.

Shamed by you english?

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